Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
