Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
