my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
