she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
