my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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