farters have to be the big spoon...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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