i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
