You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize