So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
