Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
