i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need water and some morals
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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