I have demons in me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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