is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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