Your face is a jimmy john
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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