Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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