I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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