I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
