ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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