At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
