You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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