So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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