I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
