I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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