i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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