yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
