He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
