We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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