It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
