dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
