There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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