So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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