so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
