I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
