Someone shit on the floor
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
