went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Your cock deserves a montage
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When are your genitals available?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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