I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we have officially lost it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
