We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
