how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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