I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
