i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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