just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
