I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
