I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
