Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
