ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
