I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
