It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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