i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
