As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
