sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There's even glitter on my cock...
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