is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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