i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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