her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i think im in europe. pls send help
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
