You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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