Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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