So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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