You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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