I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
