If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
