you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
