his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Congratulations! We have a period
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