All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
