yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
