Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
