Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
