Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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