I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
