he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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