My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
