Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
