We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
